Craigy Special or a combination 540 seat belt air. Alas, I use the tools I have available. And the
rumors of the prison time and the "Hannibal" nickname are NOT appreciated. Yet again I turn
my back on you able bodied walkers for a few months while I spend time in a small Asian port
town attempting to avoid a rigorous judiciary process here in the States, and you fall apart.
I will call out one of the greats. Right here, right now. Mycoskie! No, the larger one! Seven may
be the magic number, but diet is life. Take your voodoo mixture of seven minutes upside down
in the tub screaming "OM" while slathered in Crisco and wrapped in Saran wrap. This is not
enlightenment. Separate yourself from this and step forward as a true pillar to Freestyle
Walkers everywhere.
Fear not, idol seeking masses of faithful readers. I have once again gone into the kitchen to
bring forth nutritional answers to your specific dietary needs. But Pizza Hut is so close you say! I
need something I can carry while wasting what precious little time my Big Mac eating arteries
have left doing sick moves on the way to class. The answer lies below. Time is precious, so pull
a quick frontside air on your way into the kitchen.
Free Walking Pizza Pockets
Pastry:
9 1/2 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 2 cups
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
2 1/2 ounces shortening, approximately 6 tablespoons
3/4 cup milk
1 egg mixed with 1 to 2 teaspoons water
Vegetable, canola oil or butter, for frying
Filling:
1 can pizza sauce
1 bag of pepperoni
1 bag of pizza cheese
In the bowl of a food processor, combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Pulse for a few
seconds and then pour into a large mixing bowl.
Add the shortening and knead it into the flour with your hands until it is crumbly. Add the milk all
at once and mix in with a spatula until it begins to come together. Lightly flour your hands and
the countertop and turn the dough out onto the countertop. Knead the dough ball, folding over
10 to 20 times. Using a rolling pin roll the dough to 1/3 to 1/2-inch thickness, then cut into
rounds using a 2 1/4-inch ring. Roll each round as thinly as possible or to 5 to 6 inches in
diameter. Spoon 1 tablespoon of sauce, a few pepperonis and some shredded cheese onto one
half of the dough, brush the edges of half of the dough lightly with the egg wash, fold over and
seal the edges together with the tines of a fork, dipping it into flour as needed. Gently press
down to flatten and evenly distribute the filling and snip or cut 3 slits in the top of the pie. Dock
pies that are going to be deep-fried, instead of snipping or cutting slits.
To deep-fry pies, heat vegetable oil in a wok to 375 degrees F. Once hot, add 1 to 2 pies at a
time and fry until golden brown, approximately 3 to 4 minutes.
To bake pies, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Place finished pies onto an ungreased
cookie sheet and bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown.
Wok on, my faithful readers!
-Gravy and Grits
Craig "Blindspot" Mycoskie
Get your head out of your a#%. You didn't even
make a pocket, more of a pouch, and our readers are
not marsupials! Plus, your recipe calls for
deep-frying. How is a freestyle walker in training
supposed to get a perfect body line, such as a one
Caleb "The Answer" Wood, if he or she is scarfing
down fried pies? You see that picture, that's right, a
LEAN pocket. Follow this recipe to ensure a good hot
pocket every time. Stick it to the man.
1) Get hungry.
2) Remove individual pocket from box.
3) Tear open wrapper with your teeth like a rabid dog.
4) Slip the pocket into crisping envelope.
5) Put in microwave.
6) Set for... oh I already threw the wrapper away,
damn. I'm going to guess 5 minutes, because it is
frozen and all.
7) Press start. While it is cooking, take a nap.
8) Two hours later you wake up and completely forget
about the hot pocket, until you turn on food network
and get hungry.
9) Open the microwave to discover a cold hot pocket
that was overcooked and now resembles more of a
brick.
10) Put in freezer to make it even harder. Put a label
on it that says "HOT POCKET THIS!" and throw
through Chef Mike's car window.
Wok this,
Craig "Blindspot" Mycoskie
